I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize