Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
