i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
