everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
