I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
