Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
