she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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