i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
