Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
