clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
