listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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