He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
