im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
