Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You need Xanax blowdarts
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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