STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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