Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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