When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
