why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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