The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
