Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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