The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
