dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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