i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
