the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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