He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
