pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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