I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
