At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
