sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize