video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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