I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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