erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
