So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
