AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize