you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
