just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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