Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
