we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
