True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
