ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
