I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize