I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You can't special order awesome
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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