Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
