id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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