Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
