he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
