theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
