Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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