This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
