I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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