please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
