The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize