if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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