How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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