can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
