I'm going to jail i love you
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
