If that was your dad, he is hot
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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