I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
