just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
