She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
