I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
