Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize