had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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