Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
