they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
