His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
