i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize