There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
