I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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