the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Randomize
