so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize