so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Randomize
