so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
