I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Do vagina's smell?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
